Constellations for the New Millennium

Stars are not static points of light in the night sky but huge balls of flaming hydrogen speeding through the galaxy at breakneck speeds in an intricate and complex dance. To claim that the images that were discerned when gazing upon them hundreds, or even thousands, of years ago are still relevant today seems a bit foolish, to say the least. Today’s soothsayers require arbitrary patterns that are hip, contemporary, and stylish.

Enter the agnoistrological zodiac. These modern celestial representations of your personality are fluid and fully customizable. Why should you be stuck with the same sign for your entire life just because some obstetrician decided to induce labor? If you’re feeling knowledgeable and efficient, you may be under the influence of the Search Engine. Or maybe the Lolcat is ascendant today, making your behavior seem humorously cute and cuddly.

So, take one out for a test drive and see how she handles. If you don’t like it, you can trade it in for one that better suits you.